GRANDPA
GETS AUDITED
The IRS
decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS
auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney.
The
auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and
no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you
win money gambling. I'm not
sure the IRS finds that believable.'
‘I'm a great
gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa, 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks
for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll
bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks
a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his
glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says,
'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can
tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes
his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor
now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney
as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double
or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can
stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other
side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice
burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no
way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands
beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he
can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he
pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor
leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But
Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you
okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,'
says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that
he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be
happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Old
People!!